I fall to the floor my vision fading in and out.  Is this what I am going to spend forever doing? No,  not forever, it just feels like it.  The warm blood sliding down my forearms, my arms shake in a struggle to get up.  I’m too weak to pull myself up.  My mind runs to her and her beautiful face.  She was the beauty and I was the beast.  The bruises on her body showed how I  implemented my stress. Don’t Bullshit it. You loved hurting her.  She used her words when she had enough,  tired of pulling me from my demons.  She couldn’t save me – no one could.  My heart was slowly beginning to darkened.  We were angels  and I have definitely fallen.  

Now I’m in this dark wooden room with bar windows and enough moonlight shining through to see the chains I am shackled to. I no longer have hope on leaving.  This prison of mine has taken away every emotions I had ever felt.  Except for the occasional pain from my invisible punisher.  Maybe it’s the higher up that decided to torture me like this.  Minutes feel like hours and hours feel like days.  Yet my mind doesn’t cave in.  My mind is sharp and alert of everything around me. I know I’ve been here for months, and will only be here for maybe a couple  more.  The idea of it would have brought fear to me if there was still anything left to feel.  

I move my shoulder blades, but my muscles ache and I stop immediately.  The bones of my wings have been broken, my feathers pulled out.  Anytime they grew which was equally painful. I felt their presences when they sawed off my wings. Paralyzed and unable to resist, I lay there as they hacked away my wings. The one part of me that identifies as divine and beautiful, being stripped constantly.  

Maybe they decided that my sins were far too great for Lucifer to take on himself.  If I could cry or beg for mercy, I would but they have taken that away from me too.  

I gained enough energy to pull myself up and stand. It’s shameful for us to be on the ground and even though I have fallen, I refused to be seen that way.  It would be over soon enough,  I have learned my lesson and I will resume my rightful place.  Most likely a new man or else this, this would go on… CAN go on for much longer than necessary.

Taking a second to adjust my balance I spit out a mouthful of blood. Suddenly I am thrown into the brick wall behind me, hands around my throat.  My hands fly to my throat but there no physical being there. Kicking my legs to balance myself and decrease the feeling, I failed my feet sliding off the walls.  My hands still on my throat as if I was the one choking myself.  The grip tightens and I can’t break free.  My damaged wings are being plastered against the wall, burning  in pain with the increased pressure. Choking and gasping, I feel my body go limp as my hands drop down.  My eyes rolling back as I struggle for air.  The room slowly fading away.  

Finally it  let’s go of me, I drop to the floor heaving for air.  Spit and snot cover my face as I try to regain my composure.  Pain was the only thing I felt here.  And sometimes it was better that than the dead feelings that spread to every inch of my being.  

I’m serving my sentence but now I fear, will I really return to the heaven? If I haven’t changed at all they will surely send me to hell.

My times is up.  I have completed my full sentence.  I have counted the agonizing minutes for those black metal doors to open.  With my chains no longer on me, I can move freely. Sitting in front of the door patiently for what felt like days but was still only hours.  The doors opens and I feel my skin being burned.  Looking up I see your face in the heavens. My craving for it all. I move my shoulder blades again,  hoping my wings would be enough to jump up, but I feel the grasp of the demon’s hands wrapping around my ankles, dragging me down to hell.  I refuse, fighting for a chance redeem myself for as long as I can. I doubt I’ll make it.  Either way this story is over, I bid you my farewells.