It started to rain, not hard, just the kind that made you think the air was very moist and it wasn’t until you were soaking wet that you notice it was raining. So I didn’t get up from my bed of grass, not even when my clothes started to get wet and damp. I was wrap in a warm blanket of mother nature and I beg that I could stay here forever. No pain, no hate, nothing but the my little moment of peace where I wasn’t slowly going insane. A slight chill blew over making the hair on my skin rise and I knew I couldn’t stay in my little peace of heaven forever.

“Amber!” I hear him calling me. “Amber!” I ignored it. I didn’t want to open my eyes, not take an extra breath to respond or even acknowledging his footsteps that came close. I pulled myself deeper into myself and hope it would all end soon, he would leave me alone. I smiled again at the thought.

“Amber are you okay?” He asked me kneeling down next to me. “How much did you take?” he asked. I finally opened my eyes. My arms felt numb with pain, my face, it felt swelled with the bruises. “Hey Josh” I said a little too happy and still in a daze. “Did he do this to you again?” he asked me, no anger in his voice just pity for me. “I like the rain” I responded ignoring the question. He grabs me from the shoulder pulling me up and my stomach turned in response, the bruises hurt way too much and the pain was showing on my face. “say you’re okay” he tells me in hope that I could, but I turn over onto my knees instead.

The world is spinning and I am holding onto the grass as if I might fall off at any moment. “Fuck” he mumbles patting my back as I start heaving thinking I might throw up. I felt drained and could do nothing, but lean into him when he pick me up in his arms and carried me back. “What did they give you?” he comments as my breathing slows. “Josh?” I question as if unaware that he was holding me. “What happen?” he ask happy that I was able to talk, but I didn’t answer back after that.

I couldn’t do anything. The drugs were still in my system and it told me that I didn’t want to feel anymore. He placed me on the bed when Sinjin enter the room “where did you find her?” he ask Josh. “Almost unconscious in the meadow” he responded.  “what did you give her? he ask him, “She ask for it” he tells him “did she also ask for those bruises?” he question him. “No. she did that herself all I did was knock some sense back into her after she made a mess of herself we can’t use her like that” he said lighting a smoke then walk out.

“Amber are you still awake?” he asked softly. I open my eyes and smile up at him “When can I leave?” I ask him. “You can’t, but you have lived far past what we expected, that amazing” he says as if truly was something to be amazed about.”The effects of the drug might wear off over night, but I’d say a few days in bed, due to those injuries and to avoid overdosing you.” He puts a bucket at the edge of my bed and walks out.

It”s because my body can handle so much and not get damage, because of this I get to have my own room, the privilege of not getting beat down so badly when I misbehave unlike the other girls. Drug lords are the worse. At least Josh wasn’t a complete ass. 

Laying down I think back to a time before all of this, a mother? a father? I just remember warmth. I was a stupid child and our country wasn’t safe. I guess this is what I get for going out when I shouldn’t have. Still, I am super lucky for a slightly different treatment. Most girls are dispensable.

Still I couldn’t breath, there was no air, just pure darkness. It was a silent scream  in the room that would consume my soul or whatever I had left of it. Tears started to fall as i try to shake that thoughts away. Is Josh always that nice, does he hit the other girls the way Sinjin does? My tears were now falling down onto my cuts, causing them to sting and bother me.I got up swaying with the world. The door, the rain, the soft grass and fresh air. I have to go back out there, I can’t breath in here. Grabbing a rock I hit the lock on the door until it loosens up and I pull it open. Freedom shouldn’t be so easy, so why does it feel like it right there. Maybe it might not be so complicated.